The Privilege of being allowed to express your sexuality.

I wanted to talk about something that is relevant to me. My topic was homosexuality. I felt a bit exposed and uncomfortable since I had only recently become open about my own identification as a homosexual. The experience was terrifying yet liberating at the same time.

The talk went as such:

Good evening everybody, it is an honour, no, a privilege to be standing in front of you here tonight.

I feel privileged because I am standing here in front of you as a student of the University of Pretoria.

I feel privileged because I am standing here in front of you as a woman.

I feel privileged because I am standing here in front of you as a homosexual.

Why do I feel privileged? Because I get to say that. Standing on a stage in front of a crowed I get to say. “Hello, my name is Marne’ and I am gay.”

I am privileged. I haven’t always acknowledged it – in fact there was a time where I felt that this identity is like a handicap in my life. Which was awful – since this is just the way I am. I didn’t choose it, and for most of my life I tried to actively ignore it.

Before coming out I used to feel ashamed, scared even, I would rather hide a part of myself than be ridiculed and treated different because of who I choose to love. I felt disadvantaged for having this identity.

Obviously straight privilege is a thing. It’s a thing that used to bother me a lot.

Because I’m not straight, I don’t get to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public without getting a few nasty stares.

Because I’m not straight, I don’t get the same treatment as straight people. As soon as my identity is revealed I become the other. I’m no longer someone’s best friend – I’m their gay best friend.

Because I’m not straight, I had to worry about losing friends and family members after deciding to come out. Oh and because I’m not straight – I had to be burdened with this need to come out eventually. Straight people don’t have to deal with that stress. A heterosexual isn’t going to spend sleepless nights planning out how to approach their parents with “Mom…Dad….I know this might come as a shock to you but I just want your support because…..I’m straight.”

Straight people don’t consciously think about or acknowledge their privilege, but isn’t that how privilege works most of the time?

Now that I’ve come out, however, I acknowledge that I have my fair share of privilege.

Because like I said, I had the choice to come out. I get to claim that identity due to my family’s background and due to where I live. (socio-political environment)

I have the freedom to express myself. I’m from Pretoria, a space where you have the right to be who you are regardless of religion, race, gender or sexuality, and I have an open-minded family. Sure, I get a few nasty looks from time to time but at least I get to claim my identity and be part of a vibrant and active queer community that gets to be vocal. I have so many queer friends and they’re all open about their identities in this space. Campus especially, is such a safe space to claim queer identities. There are societies and clubs to lend support for the University’s LGBTTQQIAAP community. Yes, I googled the initialism while writing this speech.

I have this amazing support structure so coming out wasn’t as scary as it would have been a few years ago when I lived in a very conservative town. But, even back then, coming out would not have been the worst thing. I have this internet friend I met on an art website about 8 years ago, her name is Muneera Al-Thandi. She comes from Qatar, which is an Arab country. Muneera and I enjoy talking about all the subjects that make people uncomfortable. We talk about religion, sexuality, politics – you know fun stuff like that. The other day we were talking on Whatsapp about sexuality. She said that she has a few cousins that she knows isn’t straight, but they keep it hidden because they don’t want to be caught by - and I’m quoting her here - the gay police…

Honestly, I found the term amusing at first but after she explained I quickly realised how bad it was. The Qatari government does not recognize same-sex marriage and it’s illegal to campaign for LGBT rights (they don’t even acknowledge the existence of the identities encapsulated in the full initialism that I used earlier). After doing some research I have found that you can be fined for any homosexual activity and in extreme cases you can even be imprisoned for up to 7 years. I rather take a nasty look from some random stranger.

For the first time after coming out I felt privileged because I realised that if I were living somewhere else that coming out of the closet would mean being shoved into a jail cell.

There are 73 countries – mostly in the Middle East, Africa and Asia – where homosexual activity between consenting adults is illegal. Same-sex relations are variously criminalised under laws covering sodomy, buggery and “acts against nature” among others. In Iran, Sudan, Saudi Arabia and Yemen, homosexuality is still punishable by death.

That made me realise that some people are already privileged from birth. Where you are from determines a lot more than just your quality of life it determines your freedom of expression and how you can express your identity.

In, 2015 a statement by the International Gay and Lesbian Association revealed that homosexuality is outlawed in 34 out of the 54 African countries. I am privileged to be a South African living in Pretoria.

To put it very basically, privilege is when someone has things that you don’t. I thought I had no privilege because straight people get to hold hands in Menlyn mall without people raising an eyebrow. The reality is this – I get to hold hands in Menlyn mall – and not be arrested or worse stoned.

I have acknowledged my privilege and I think it’s important for everyone to do the same. Before we complain about what we don’t have we should acknowledge what we do have. Because there are people out there with a lot less.

Thank you for listening to my talk tonight. Thank you for allowing me to stand in front of you and say I am privileged.